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HomePoems & storiesThe darkness of loneliness

The darkness of loneliness

The Darkness of Loneliness (June 2021) – Author :- Md. Maidul Sarkar

Marina and Muhib sit side by side in its secluded spot in Brazil’s Pantanal Rain Forest. This forest is one of the world’s most thrilling and exciting for the adventure-seeking tourists. Afraid of many people, Marina and Muhbi came here not for love or thrill but to express their loneliness. Today they have known each other for more than two years. Looking at the nameless wild flowers in the far distance, Marina started talking, Jan Muhib-This Pantanal is witness to the love of many people? How many people have said what they want in this rain forest. Pantanal has witnessed the love of hundreds of lovers. Muhib Smrita smiled and said – Countless people. But you don’t even know the exact number, Marina. Although you are a Brazilian girl.

Before Marina could open her mouth, two macaws flew over Odeo and perched on a nearby branch of a tree. Marina said excitedly – You know, this is the first time I have seen macaws so closely in the forest. Lovers used to see them as a symbol of good luck. “I heard the same from my roommate Adriano,” said Muhib.

Marina said while entwining the wild grass with her finger tips – Well, you have been in Rio de Janeiro for more than five years, why don’t you go to the country? Muhib’s heart filled with moans after hearing this.
– Will I go to the country? Who will I go to, who is there for me?
– Why would you go to your wife and family?
– Some people are born with such a destiny that they don’t have anyone to call their own for a while.
-Actually, I didn’t know you don’t have anyone now. Oh sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Muhib quickly removes the awkwardness and says, “No, there’s nothing to worry about.” The reality of the time is that life is now shrouded in deep darkness of loneliness. And there is no sorrow or pain in accepting the truth.
Marina said after being silent for a while – the darkness of loneliness! Nicely said. Are you a poet? Do you write poetry or not?
I used to write a little at a time. It doesn’t happen anymore. Busyness of business, human pains, poems have escaped from the mind. Tell me what will happen by writing a poem without happiness?

– Why not write? Some become even more poets. You should not waste the literary quality inside you.
– Hey, it’s nothing serious. I used to write as a hobby. Now the hobby is over, so the poem is over.
-Start again.
– I can do it if you say or if someone like you is next to you.

Marina blushed and turned around and picked up another compliment. Muhib said the thing that Marina had not said even after talking for a long time. Well you are alone too. Not married. What happened to be alone in this full youth. I really want to know Marina. Of course, if you don’t want to, don’t say it.
Muhib is what you said – the darkness of loneliness. I am also a part of that darkness. Each and every family left me, left me in this world and then the one I loved gave me away, he also became someone else. So I have resorted to loneliness to survive and loneliness is now my daily companion. Another day I will tell you the satkahan of life. Both of them were filled with sadness. In fact, different people have different sorrows. There is no one in the world to be happy forever.

Muhib came to Brazil to turn his luck around. Then got involved in business. In Bangladesh, his mother and wife live in Chittagong. Parents are already gone. His luck turned right. Bought a flat in Chittagong, built a house in the village. A few years ago, when he had made up his mind to go to the country after completing his studies here, the news came to him that his married wife had run away with the hands of another young man. It was as if lightning struck him in the open field. That night was Joysnarat. The alleys of Rio de Janeiro are bathed in the light of Joesner. Hundreds of memories are floating in the album of the chest and the inside of the chest is sinking into the darkness.

“When you come back we will bring our new guest to this world. The fruit of our union will be part of our heritage.” These words of the wife are very bad in Muhib’s mind. The day of Pratiksha is not over and before that the misguided butterfly has flown. He will not return. The deceitful woman did not let him return to the country.

“You will not forget me when you go abroad”. No, Muhib did not forget. His beautiful lover kept his word but did not keep his word. No such woman can be anyone’s sweetheart. These Kalnaginis are only looking for opportunities and spend their whole lives.
There was hope that if it was a boy, it would be named Mridul and if it was a girl, it would be named Maliha. But that Kalnagini ended everything. Even if Nagini burns me in the fire of loneliness, that fire will not forgive you. One day he will set fire to your dream of happiness. I waited for that day – the words say that Muhib himself was enlightening himself.

Even though he was in contact with his mother, his younger brother could not accept such an act of his son’s wife. Because he could not, he also left the illusion of the world and got rid of the world. Muhib was completely distraught at the news of his mother’s death. There was a little hope in the mind, a root to return to the country was also broken. His arranged life and happy family were twisted.
To whom to return to the country mother has passed beyond. Not even from his wife, after holding the man’s hand, he passed into the unknown. The determination not to return to the country with intense pride stuck in his mind.

I met Marina through business. Then little by little intimacy increases. Two men and women from two countries became friends. One day Muhib says well in this country of free sex you don’t have a boyfriend, you don’t have a lover how is it possible? Will you be a virgin or not?

I will tell you everything, one day I will tell you my heart, my sad story. But that day never comes. Muhib waits. The wait is getting longer and longer.

Marina proposes one day to stay at his flat. Muhib finally agreed after persuasion. Muhibdeo Company’s Interior Design Kara Marina Flat creates a dreamy obsession with beauty. Marina liked it very much, they also liked the work and Muhib’s words and personality more. Since then, the two have become friends. At night the marina hosts quite a few Brazilian dishes. Marina Radhe is also very good. A dish was kept aside. Finney from Chittagong serves Marina on the south verandah while Muhib praises the cooking as excellent.
Muhib was surprised and said – how is it possible?
-What is impossible in the age of YouTube. You know this dessert is my favorite too.
While eating, Marina opened the door of her heart. To lighten the burden of loneliness like a stone, he tells Muhib about the events of his life.
I am a daughter of a conservative family. Although now I am living independently as a teacher, but at one time our financial condition was not good. Parents and two brothers had to wake up and sleep. To overcome the poverty of the family, the elder brother-Vidal chose the path of drugs. He also got deeply involved in drug smuggling and returned dead in a shootout one day. But by that time the family’s financial condition is better with his illegal earnings. My education did not stop. Younger brother-Diego is a chain shop salesman. While shopping, Asha falls in love with Sharon, the daughter of the big man. But Sharon’s family does not accept it. When they both fell in love, one day Sharon ran away with the handsome Diego. Then one incident after another happened like a movie story.

Diego was jailed for shoplifting and stealing money. Sharon’s father does everything. Married his daughter to a rich man. But Sharon couldn’t be happier. She runs away with Dhankur’s stepson but after realizing that the boy is bisexual, Sharan disappears from there and is never found again. Meanwhile, Diego chose to commit suicide after learning about Sharon’s change in jail. But I believe that Diego died due to police torture. And the hero behind it is Sharon’s father. Not finding his daughter, he became mad and committed this act.

My simple mother cannot bear the pain of losing her son in so many incidents. One day I woke up and found him dead on the floor of the bedroom. Maybe at the time of death he got very thirsty and dropped the glass of water on the table. My dear mother is a traveler on the path of eternity alone. Maybe the son has forgotten his grief after going to heaven and being with his sons. Father became silent without son and wife. He became like a madman. All of a sudden, what seemed like running to the street. One day in a road accident, he also escaped from the pain of life. I became completely alone. At first I was petrified. Then an Arab youth came and stood next to him. Later I fell in love with that Syrian youth-Idris Daoud. But in the end she kept avoiding me as she would not marry against her family’s wishes. Idris’s family does not want a heathen girl as a wife. The color of love slowly fades. Then the communication stops. One day I found out that they left Brazil with their families and went to Syria. But I was preparing to become a Muslim after getting close to him. I dreamed of leaving everything and being happy.

Then I chose this loneliness. Many wanted to come closer but I saw desire and greed in their eyes. I developed a strong aversion to conventional love or physical relationships. I started swimming against the current. The world and life began to feel disgusted. I thought about suicide. But if an educated and teacher like me commits suicide, what will happen to other girls in the society?

In the current of time, the boat of loneliness is divided and floated, so I did not get married and am alone till today
Marina got up with the cup of coffee in her hand. Then the two went to sleep in different rooms. Muhib lay down and thought that fate had pushed two men and women from two countries of the world to the path of loneliness, but for sharing the story of unbearable loneliness, they faced each other again under the same roof. Indeed, life is very strange and no one has control over destiny. So they started to feel like failed actors and actresses on the stage of life.

After several days, when the emptiness fills the mind again, the tiredness of the abandoned life, the stealthy current of not feeling good flows in the thin mind, then the two meet again and talk about the lost life. Marina says – As long as I am in school, the time is good. I see the faces of hundreds of boys and girls, speak and listen to them. At the end of the day, I return like a bird, but I don’t get much peace. Sometimes the night wakes up and the moon in the sky wakes up with me. Then I thought why my life was not normal like other eight or ten girls. Why spend endless days and nights with the curse of loneliness.
Muhib says – you have lost everything, I have also lost everything. Maybe we came to this world to be alone. There are so many people around, yet we are alone. Even among thousands of people, some are alone. The destruction of memories makes me blue every day. If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have been able to talk to anyone else about what I had accumulated in my heart. Then it would have been more difficult, the burden of sorrow would have increased, the book would not have reduced it.

Days, months, years go by like this. Marina will move with Muhib to Chittagong, Bangladesh to escape the loneliness of her life. Muhib also dreams that he will stay in Brazil with Marina as his partner or migrate to his motherland.
Who knows whose dreams come true. The future will tell whether they will break through the darkness of loneliness and be the path of light or drown in the sea of ​​loneliness.